Cultivating loving relationships for staying together long term requires patience and understanding to make it easier to live with each other’s differences. We can also sow into our relationship the seeds of love by going the extra mile in doing the little things that matter for one another. Love is a verb. We choose to love and do it intentionally.
Learning to reciprocate our spouse’s love can be as easy as finding out his/her love language. A love language is the unique way an individual expresses love. When we use our spouses love language to communicate our love, care and affection, we are sending a message of love that is clearly understood and recognised as an act of love by the recipient. What a wonderful tool to have at our disposal for those of us intending to cultivate loving relationships for happiness together as one.
Dr. Chapman is a renowned marriage counsellor and author of ’5 Love Languages – The secret to love that lasts’, says in his book, “I really do feel that these five appear to be rather fundamental in terms of ways to express love to people.”According to Dr. Chapman, using the 5 love languages described in his book works for strengthening, building up and enriching the relationship we have with our spouse.
What are The 5 Love Languages?
We all have our own love language. We need to keep in mind that each one of us is unique; we come from different backgrounds and are individuals. While we tend to express love differently, it’s important that we understand our spouse’s love language and reciprocate their love by using the 5 love languages to help keep a marriage strong, healthy and happy.
1. Words of Affirmation – Saying I love you to one another and hearing it being said is very heart lifting. Receiving compliments, being congratulated or receiving gratitude for a job well done is all affirmation.
2. Quality Time – Giving up time to spend with your spouse to do the things they like to do is spending quality time with them, and is an expression of love.
3. Receiving Gifts – Thoughtfulness and generosity with your spouse is saying I love you without words. It’s an expression of love. The thought behind a gift is more important than the gift itself.
4. Acts of Service – Helping out a spouse with the household chores might seem like a duty or nothing at all to some people. But that selfless act of service speaks volumes of love and is caring for your spouse in consideration of them.
5. Physical Touch – Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands and personal intimacy with your spouse are all expressions of love that married couples need to express to one another.
Ephesians 5:33
“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Does practicing the 5 Love Languages really work and will it help to restore my marriage?
Keeping in mind that marriage is a team effort, practicing the 5 Love Languages continually can work provided that the two parties involved are fully committed to the marriage. Each situation is as unique as the individuals involved. The 5 Love Languages requires the couple to want the marriage to work.
Web MD has tested The 5 Love Languages on one couple for 7 days with favourable results in an article titled, ‘The 5 Love languages, 7 days, 1 couple’. The couple who were struggling within their marriage became closer and stronger in their relationship.
Get know your love language by taking this quiz.
Sources:
- Dr. Gary Chapman, Ph.D. He is the author of numerous other books published by Moody Publishers/Northfield Publishing, including Anger, The Family You’ve Always Wanted, The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, Desperate Marriages, God Speaks Your Love Language, How to Really Love Your Adult Child, and Hope for the Separated. With Dr. Jennifer Thomas, he co-authored The Five Languages of Apology.
- Web MD: Story The 5 Love Languages, 7 Days, 1 Couple The best-selling relationship advice book gets put to the test. By Stephanie Watson: The Five Love Languages Tested
- Verily Magazine: Ashley Crouch Dr. Gary Chapman Explains The 5 Love Languages
Have you thought about becoming a qualified counsellor? It’s a great opportunity to learn how you can extend God's love and grace to the hurting out in the community.
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